God, You are My Portion

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;
 his mercies never come to an end;

they are new every morning;

great is your faithfulness.

“The Lord is my portion,” says my soul,
    “therefore I will hope in him.”

The Lord is good to those who wait for him,
    to the soul who seeks him.

(Lamentations 3:22-25 ESV)

God is so good to us, He always gives us just the right portion that we need at just the right time - My prayer is that we would recognize this in all situations, that we would have eyes to see His portion and the ears to hear His portion (from Proverbs 20:12).

We’ve heard these words before, we’ve clung to these verses and memorized the lyrics to the worship songs repeating these promises time and again - but there’s a special moment, when something clicks between our mind and on the inside of our heart, when we realize that it all makes perfect sense and that is one of our defining God moments.

So many times we pray and ask God repeatedly for the same thing, on the same subject, even with the same words - but we don’t stop to listen. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not preaching, I’m saying from experience - I’ve been guilty of this so many times and I’m sure I will make this mistake many times again!  When we pray, really pray, we need to stop and make a practice to hear from God, instead of just telling Him what we want, we need to listen and even realize that sometimes God has already given us His answer.

I haven’t been writing any posts because I’ve been waiting on God to lead me, not sure of what He wants me to do.  I know when we seek God’s will, we can’t go wrong - my whole point to my writing was because I felt led to and lately I haven’t been sure of what was God’s will and what was mine.  I don’t ever want to make the mistake of writing ANYTHING outside of God’s will, so I admit, I’ve been scared of taking any steps but I think those first steps  - are actually the steps of faith - that God has been waiting on me to make. 

God knows our purpose on this planet long before we were born, before we were conceived, He knew the parents we needed to be born to, the time we needed to be born in, the friends we need to make, and even the time we would need to come to the Lord. It’s amazing to think that each and every one of us might not have been ‘planned’ by our parents, but we were planned by God. If you were like my parents and born into a family that consisted of abuse and terrible trials, know this - God didn’t plan that for you; those were humans that chose wrongly!  God has the perfect plan for us, whether we cooperate and follow those plans - those are our own flesh driven choices.

Sometimes God has given me a direction, that I know without a doubt - was God speaking to me and no they haven’t come with an audible voice, but I KNOW were God:  the decision to be a stay at home mom (with the specific purpose of raising our sons to be the men of God that God intends them to be) and then the decision to homeschool our sons. So when I struggle to find answers or direction, I may have to make a decision that I don’t get as clear an answer as I have in those instances - but none the less, I know the bigger picture has already been set in motion. These details I’m praying on, might only be discerned through trial and error, but won’t alter the course.  So when you’re praying on something and haven’t received an answer, search God’s Word!  We can be confident knowing that the scriptures are God’s best advice for us, His Word won’t ever steer you wrong and sometimes you’ll find the answer written directly on a page in your Bible.

Jehovah-Jireh, the Lord will Provide

Well, I made it through a whole week of Homeschooling and let me just say, it was amazing!! I am so overjoyed that God has led our family to this exciting adventure! I've loved spending so much time with my sons and getting to know a different side of them (I really do think teachers see a side of our children that we don’t always get to see, after all they get 40 hours with them a week).

One lesson that Mommy/Teacher learned this past week: one sure fire way to discover if you are on the path God has for you – constantly taking direct fire from the enemy - if you have that happening, you are probably doing something right! 

So it’s no shock when there have been various little issues that have plagued us – my sons and I would stop what we were doing and pray for God’s provision.  Each time we were blessed by God’s provision, building up and strengthening our faith. Now, a HUGE financial pitfall/disaster/circumstance has occurred and the weight of it was simply too much for me to bear, so I did the only thing I could do – I gave it to God, and you know He is faithful and true, His mercies are new everyday –  I've been so blessed by the sweetest peace He has given me! This issue hasn't gone away and I don’t know how the Lord will provide, but I KNOW He will.

I feel like the devil is attacking us especially hard right now, simply because of the glory we are giving to God for this opportunity. More people have come up to me and asked about homeschooling, which has opened the door for me to talk about God and how He is the reason we are doing this.

Although I was sure homeschooling was what God wanted for my sons, my husband hadn't received that answer yet – time messes with you when you’re sure what God wants for your family, but your spouse hasn't received the same answer yet – you will question yourself. I knew that in order to homeschool, I would need to put our sons back in Karate – they had been out for only 6 weeks but my budget was pretty tight that month, so I wasn't sure how I could pay for it. Then I got a call from our church on Dec 21^st , someone had anonymously given a monetary gift for my family (no one knew we were having a hardship – no one except God!). So on the way up to the church I was thanking God for however much I was about to receive; I then said, ‘God, I honestly believe you want us to homeschool, and I believe you want us to start as soon as Christmas Break is over – but God, I would need to be able to put the boys in karate and I don’t have any extra money for that right now – so if this ‘gift’ is enough for that, I’ll know that without a doubt, you are telling me YES, go ahead and do this NOW’. So when I got home and opened the envelope, it was enough for karate and ‘then some'.  I knew in my heart that God had said YES, but knowing there was ‘more’ to this - I held on to the cash, waiting to discover what the ‘then some’ was for.

Our church has an awesome Youth Retreat every January; four days of teenagers worshiping God, having fun, fellowship,  and drawing closer to God – but again, the cost was more than I could afford at this time and I believed it was really important for my teenager to be able to go, especially now that I knew we would be homeschooling! A friend at our church told me that I should apply for a scholarship (after all my teenager volunteers every Sunday to help with the Pre-K kids) I would only have to pay a smaller deposit with the scholarship.  Totaling up the cost for the karate lessons and then the deposit to the youth retreat, that would leave 10% of the total blessing (hello, tithe!!) – Which showed me, without a doubt –that God’s hand was in this; he showed me that HE is our provider, no one else!

So now, I’m clinging to that promise – God was so exact in that blessing, that He needed me to see before the seas got too rough, before I would even have a chance to take my eyes off of Him, that we are doing His will and He will not leave us or forsake us – HE is Jehovah-Jireh (The Lord will provide)! (Genesis 22:7-14)

Every school day, we start out with prayer and then read from our Bible and have a devotional time together. I was even able to share this experience (God's provision) with our sons last week, they were in awe - not realizing how intricate God's provision can be and just for them! This time has been my favorite part of our day and my sons have even told me, that it’s their favorite too. God knows exactly what we need, when we need it and how we need it – the blessings He gave us, are an anchor to hold onto during the storm we are now experiencing.  We know that God doesn't give us the storms in life, but He will give us shelter through them and having His promises to fall back on gives us a peace that only God can deliver.

A New Direction

A little bit about my family – my husband works away from home (Afghanistan) and is only home a brief amount of time every few months. He was just home and we had a wonderful time together, our sons (8^th & 4^th graders) are always anxious and excited for when Daddy gets to be home, so the time when he has to leave are always very hard on us – especially so with the holidays. While hubby is home, I take a break from my blog and any other volunteer activities to concentrate on him.

Two years ago, I became a stay at home mom, which was a huge scary step for me. I had always worked, but with my husband gone for 9 months out of the year, our sons getting older and my full-time work consuming so much of my time, I felt God was leading me to stay home. Instead of obeying what God was telling me, I asked my husband if I could work just part-time – I thought that might be ‘good enough’; but if you didn’t know, when God tells us his plan for us, He doesn’t change His mind or say, ‘you know what, I didn’t think of that, maybe your way is better’. So part-time didn’t really work, instead I was doing the same amount of work in less time and even more stress, with less pay – so after ‘letting go and letting God’, I quit working all together. When I had prayed on this, God gave me a word (or direction, if you prefer) He basically told me that my new ‘job’ was to raise our sons the way God intended them to be raised, to be godly young men – not of this world.

Several things have happened in the time since, I’ve grown spiritually and I know I’m far from done in that capacity; I also started this blog and my Facebook page, and every blog I’ve written has increased my faith on how God can use someone like me, to reach and teach people all over the world. Now I believe God has given me the next step to this adventure – homeschool. It’s a big step of faith and it’s one I believe God has been preparing me for, no way would I have been able to do this when I first quit working –but now, I believe I am at the place where God wants me to take on this challenge.

My boys and I are all home sick today with the flu and since we couldn’t attend our church services, we had church at home. In the lesson today we talked about Matthew 14:22-32, where Jesus walked on the water and Peter stepped out of the boat in faith. I was able to use the example of Jesus telling Peter to ‘come’ and how his faith was strong while he focused on Jesus but when he let the distractions of the world overcame him, he began to sink; as an example of God giving me the word to quit working, raise my children as godly men and now to homeschool. When I made the mistake of just part-time work, I began to sink - it was when I focused on God and quit all together that I began to grow in faith and have come to where I am today. I can’t be distracted by what I, others or the world thinks, God’s given me direction – I’m to focus on Him and His Word and follow His direction.

God doesn’t lead us into trouble, He leads us to blessings; yet the devil will do his best to distract us - to try and get us off the path we’ve been given. This path might not be for everyone so remember – God doesn’t call the qualified, He qualifies the called. I’ve been praying for continued guidance and subtle little things have been given to me to confirm the direction we are going, my sons are excited and anxious to start homeschooling – we’ve discussed what it will be like and what is expected of them and of myself. We know this will be a huge change for us all and we know this is not a task to be taken lightly, but I’m so thankful for this wonderful opportunity. I’m not sure of the direction of my blog in all of this; but I know that no matter where this adventure leads us, our faith will only grow stronger and blessings will follow.